There's a hole in my wall, dear Kelly, dear Kelly.

Short and ugly.

Yes, yes I am. I was talking about this post though. It's basically just a way of getting more information to a Twitter-friend than fifty-odd "xx of yy" tweets ever could.

If you have a medium to large hole in a plasterboard wall, here is how to patch it.

You need some plasterboard, a sharp knife and/or a small saw, and some plaster or patching gunk. (Hold on tight, we won't be stopping for research into brand names or trademarks here.)

The plasterboard needs to be about twice the size of the hole in each direction. If the hole is 20cm x 10 cm, you need 40cm x 20cm of plasterboard.

Check around the back of the hole to make sure there are no electrical wires, either power or phone or other communications stuff. Check for water and gas pipes as well. 

Use the saw to make a regular shape out of the hole you've got. WAIT! READ THE NEXT BIT FIRST. IN FACT I'LL PUT THE NEXT BIT BEFORE THIS BIT SO YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!

Ok, now go ahead and even up the hole with your saw.

Measure the hole and mark out its size on the BACK of the patch of plasterboard. Cut through the paper on the BACK of the plasterboard, cutting well into the plaster material at the same time. Be careful not to go through the front paper though.

Continue those cuts out to the edge of the patch of plasterboard.

Peel off the plasterboard parts that are not part of the 'plug' in the centre of the patch. The idea is to leave a plug of plasterboard with a large surround of paper in front of it.

Put some patching gunk around the edges of the 'plug' and on the back of the front paper.

Stick the plug in the hole and smooth off, working from the middle outwards.

Leave to dry.

Sand the edge of the paper part of the patch. Oh yeah, you'll need some fairly fine sandpaper and a sanding block or a chunk of timber.

Paint. Ditto for "you'll need paint".

Collect and cash the bond refund. Hoist a glass to Jim.